“Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” is the 34th book R.L. Stine published under the Goosebumps banner, which I think is getting fairly close to the point where the series has run its course.
And let’s be honest here, in eight books he publishes one of the worst in the series “Egg Monsters from Mars.” (Apparently “A Funny Thing Happened on the way to Jump the Shark” wasn’t available.)
And let’s be honest here, in eight books he publishes one of the worst in the series “Egg Monsters from Mars.” (Apparently “A Funny Thing Happened on the way to Jump the Shark” wasn’t available.)
Getting into the story, “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” deals with the exciting world of competitive gardening in the heart of Minnesota. To further illustrate how white this book is, the story opens with a friendly match of ping-pong between siblings Joe and Mindy. We know this because it is relayed to us in first-person narrative by Joe, who actually refers to himself in the third person within the first page:
“That’s me. Joe Burton. I’m twelve. And there is nothing I love better than slamming the ball in my older sister’s face and making her chase after it.”
Seriously, it’s like “Catcher in the Rye” if it starred characters from iCarly. Yes, it’s worth that kind of comparison.
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| My version of this book came with a free glow-in-the-dark sticker. Probably the only redeeming quality for the product. |
The backdrop of suburban Minnesotan life involves the friendly gardening rivalry between Joe’s dad Jeffrey and his next door neighbor Mr. McCall, whose son “Moose” is Joe’s best friend (or biggest bully, it’s not clearly defined). After an upsetting defeat last year when the Burtons’ tomatoes received the blue ribbon, Mr. McCall pulls out a secret weapon -- casaba melons. Oh, it’s on.
So, while the fruit feud is going on between the neighbors, Joe gets thrown into the mix as his dog, Buster, has a strange love for ruining McCall’s garden, digging up the produce and eating his vegetables (because you know, dogs just love lettuce and cabbage). And while Mr. McCall and Joe’s dad get along, Buster’s constant destruction of the yard has put the 12 year old on McCall’s crap-list.
After the ping-pong match and a near-death experience as McCall almost finds Buster messing with the prized casabas, Joe and Mindy are whisked away by their dad to the Lawn Lady, a store down the street which specializes in lawn ornaments. We find out that Jeffrey has a real addiction to them, as his yard is covered in pink flamingos, glass balls on stands and an ark’s worth of plaster animals. But its there he notices two things he must have: a pair of plaster lawn gnomes which they name Hap and Chip and take home for their own.
The kids are not supportive of their father’s purchase, but he’s too excited to care. But shortly after getting them home, weird things start happening. Joe swears he occasionally sees the expressions on the gnomes faces change, and later when one of Mr. McCall’s melons is eaten (which is blamed on Buster) he finds a melon seed in the mouth of one of the statues. It’s obvious they’re alive.
Thinking that he can make a case to his parents that something supernatural is going on with the little men in their front yard, Joe makes constant pleas to his folks to “look at the gnomes” for signs of misbehavior. But as they are perfectly normal each time people look at them, Joe just ends up looking crazy.
After two more incidents involving Mr. McCall’s melons and his dad’s biggest tomato which he pins on the gnomes, Joe and Moose stake out one night to catch the creatures in the act. And right before getting ready to give up, they notice the pointy hatted people running around the yard, causing trouble.
The commotion wakes up Mindy, who gets taken hostage by the gnomes momentarily before they explain their situation to the kids -- you see, they are actually “Mischief Elves,” a race of creature which is biologically breed to make trouble. In the forest they’re harmless, playing games on little woodland creatures, but when taken out of their natural habitat they have a greater desire to paint silly faces on neighbors and bust mailboxes. So a deal is made -- go back to the Lawn Lady’s store and free all the gnomes/elves and they won’t cause any more trouble.
So, while the fruit feud is going on between the neighbors, Joe gets thrown into the mix as his dog, Buster, has a strange love for ruining McCall’s garden, digging up the produce and eating his vegetables (because you know, dogs just love lettuce and cabbage). And while Mr. McCall and Joe’s dad get along, Buster’s constant destruction of the yard has put the 12 year old on McCall’s crap-list.
After the ping-pong match and a near-death experience as McCall almost finds Buster messing with the prized casabas, Joe and Mindy are whisked away by their dad to the Lawn Lady, a store down the street which specializes in lawn ornaments. We find out that Jeffrey has a real addiction to them, as his yard is covered in pink flamingos, glass balls on stands and an ark’s worth of plaster animals. But its there he notices two things he must have: a pair of plaster lawn gnomes which they name Hap and Chip and take home for their own.
The kids are not supportive of their father’s purchase, but he’s too excited to care. But shortly after getting them home, weird things start happening. Joe swears he occasionally sees the expressions on the gnomes faces change, and later when one of Mr. McCall’s melons is eaten (which is blamed on Buster) he finds a melon seed in the mouth of one of the statues. It’s obvious they’re alive.
Thinking that he can make a case to his parents that something supernatural is going on with the little men in their front yard, Joe makes constant pleas to his folks to “look at the gnomes” for signs of misbehavior. But as they are perfectly normal each time people look at them, Joe just ends up looking crazy.
After two more incidents involving Mr. McCall’s melons and his dad’s biggest tomato which he pins on the gnomes, Joe and Moose stake out one night to catch the creatures in the act. And right before getting ready to give up, they notice the pointy hatted people running around the yard, causing trouble.
The commotion wakes up Mindy, who gets taken hostage by the gnomes momentarily before they explain their situation to the kids -- you see, they are actually “Mischief Elves,” a race of creature which is biologically breed to make trouble. In the forest they’re harmless, playing games on little woodland creatures, but when taken out of their natural habitat they have a greater desire to paint silly faces on neighbors and bust mailboxes. So a deal is made -- go back to the Lawn Lady’s store and free all the gnomes/elves and they won’t cause any more trouble.
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| It didn't take long into reading this that I wanted to rent "Amelie" so I could get a decent story involving lawn gnomes. |
Breaking in under the cover of night, the kids quickly discover that the break out plan was a trap, that there were hundreds of gnomes in the basement, who true to their name, called them there to be mischievous and play evil lawn gnomes tricks on them, including trampoline, tug of war, tickle and dribble (I don’t even know what some of those things mean).
Thinking there is no hope, the kids hear something outside: Buster. Having previously noticed that the gnomes seemed “scarred” whenever Buster came around, Joe tries to get the dog to come to their rescue. But the small opening that three adolescent kids climbed through was of course too small for their medium sized dog. But Joe has an idea and blows his dog whistle to get Buster to come -- however he finds out it was the whistle they were scared of, which puts them in a trance and the gnomes end their terror.
Now in their trance state, the kids are free to leave, and Hap and Chip are now stuck in the basement (for eternity I guess, but they don’t make any attempt to deter these mischief elves from attacking them again, because you know, they’re mischievous and won’t seek revenge or anything). The kids return home and the next morning find their dad is upset about the loss of his gnomes, a momentary set back as in the final paragraphs he reveals a new ornament -- a plaster gorilla, who gives Joe a big, knowing wink at the end.
Despite the lengthy write up, “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” is so far the worst of the Goosebumps stories I’ve tried to take in so far this month. The story is terribly bland and cliched -- more so than some of the other books I’ve read -- and for some reason I couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to make it through a few chapters at a time. My thoughts are that while this one benefits from 20 books of experience over the two previous books I’ve read, it also feels like Stine was reaching for ideas. Of course, we’ll see how that plays out as I pick out other books in the series past their expiration.
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