“How to Kill a Monster” is not so much a manual on how to kill horrible, blood thirsty creatures that will kill you. (Also a description for bears.)
No, it’s a Goosebumps book. And a surprisingly decent one, all things considered.
No, it’s a Goosebumps book. And a surprisingly decent one, all things considered.
“How to Kill a Monster” is the 46th masterpiece of R.L. Stine. And as I’ve stated with some of the previous write ups this month, this is the point where I’m losing interest and beginning to feel as if its run the course (and yes, I was saying that about books in the mid-20s).
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| Mine copy came with trading cards. Which I'm going to spend a good portion of my weekend looking for. |
However, this one seems to take the long standing cliches of the other books, and almost completely abandon them. That’s not to say this doesn’t have all the marking of a great Goosebumps book -- radical 12 year olds from the 1990s are the main characters (Oh, and one has glasses and reads comics, so that should appeal to me!), they have a dog for some reason and they go to live in a strange place with distant relatives who have hearing problems (seriously, every adult is either deaf or oblivious to monsters -- or both) -- but this one has, dare I say, some actual charm and originality?
This book opens up on Gretchen and Clark, step-siblings whose parents married when they were each about 3 or 4 (which honestly, if you’ve been brother and sister for almost a decade, I feel like its time to just calling the other your brother). When their parents need to go on a trip for business to Atlanta (which if you recall from my “Monster Blood” review, is where Evan’s parents went; obviously, if your parents go to ATL, you are bound to face monster problems) they must spend a few days with their grandparents who live in a what appears to be a castle in the swamp (they compare it to a castle, but my thoughts were it looks like Forrest Gump’s house on the outside, and all the rooms are as confusing as the Russian library in “Goldeneye: 007” for N64).
The kids already have a weird feeling about the house, and the swamp, when they get there. The two of them trying to scare each other constantly probably is not helping (although it nicely sets up the cliffhanger “Gotcha’s” from Stine pretty nicely). Strangely enough, the kids haven’t seen their grandparents since their parents were first married, which I could almost explain away as “they were busy,” but again, this is almost a decade later. I know my mom would be pissed if I didn’t visit her in that period of time. Hell, I have an uncle who lives in another country who visited my grandmother two or three time a year. Sorry, consider my disbelief not suspended.
Things become a little strange the next day. The kids wake up and are greeted by their grandmother who apparently is making enough pancakes for the entire Chinese Red Army. While it seems a little strange the kids don’t think much of it, until Gretchen notices her grandfather is being suspicious and taking them upstairs. Looking for things to do, Grandma tells them to go out for a stroll, but then return early to help her bake some pies (Grandad also is asking them to help build a shed or something, but by this point we pretty much have written him off as crazy, deaf and old). This leads to more pranks and foolery, but also helps build on the interesting sibling dynamic of these two.
They return to the house, and help Grandma make three pies (“That’s way too many” they paraphrased, “Oh, I just like to have more on hand than ANYBODY EVER NEEDS TO EAT, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE MOSTLY SUGAR,” Grandma replies) before adventuring the house. Of course, this is the point when Grandpa (Oh, you silly old bear; Daddy said we’re putting you in a home next year) tells them they can go anywhere in the house. Oh except that one room, because kids never go and do the one thing you told them not to. That’s proven. Tweens never go into places you specifically tell them not to.
Ok, I’m not going to bore you anymore -- the kids discover the secret room contains a swamp monster, that apparently broke into the house and two geriatrics were able to confine to a single room. They had been feeding it baked goods for weeks, and rather than tell their family, who were going to entrust them with their children, decided to keep it a secret so they could see their grandkids (see what happens when you don’t let Grandma and Grandpa see the kids after a decade -- they go crazy). The best part? This is all spelled out in a letter to the kids, which the grandparents leave for them just before escaping to “find a solution to their monster problem” (honestly, it’s no wonder their parents didn’t visit more often).
From this point on, the rest of the book is the kids being chased through the house, running away from the monster and being terrified it’s going to eat their dog and maybe them (this is the order of things). It’s actually a fairly gripping series of events, but what’s intersting is they also are the bulk of the book. Literally from chapter 16 through 30, the kids are running away from the monster, trying every which way to kill it (having it fall from a broken staircase, poisoning it with one of the pies). Again, all of this helping to build on an already solid foundation for the youth’s characters and their relationship with one another.
In the end, they defeat the monster by sheer luck, as it tries to eat Gretchen, only to lick her and pass out after proclaiming that it’s allergic to humans (by the way, this book was published in 1996, way before “Signs,” so chalk this up as the second R.L. Stine idea stolen by M. Night Shyamalan). The kids, unharmed and mostly safe, finally manage to break out of the house and make their way to town, where hopefully they can call their parents and get out of the place. But here’s the kicker, and a fun twistier ending -- the grandparents left a second letter to the kids telling them the swamp was full of the monsters family, ready to attack the people who have been harboring the beast. Of course, this was contained in a second letter and not included with the first that they frantically read while running from the first monster. So the book ends with our heroes, probably being killed by swamp creatures (sure they couldn’t eat them, but they do seem to have nice claws for thrashin’).
Overall, “How to Kill a Monster” is the best of the Goosebumps I have read in a few stories. Whereas “It Came From Beneath the Sink” and “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” felt like they were dead ideas, this one took what was a stock story, and gave it a nice twist. And focusing on a single day event in running from this monster, it actually had some nice storytelling and character development. Sure, it’s no award winning piece of fiction, but surprisingly a book that was published after three sequels for “Monster Blood” and “Night of the Living Dummy” still showed some flair, and kept my interest enough to at least check out the next book.
This book opens up on Gretchen and Clark, step-siblings whose parents married when they were each about 3 or 4 (which honestly, if you’ve been brother and sister for almost a decade, I feel like its time to just calling the other your brother). When their parents need to go on a trip for business to Atlanta (which if you recall from my “Monster Blood” review, is where Evan’s parents went; obviously, if your parents go to ATL, you are bound to face monster problems) they must spend a few days with their grandparents who live in a what appears to be a castle in the swamp (they compare it to a castle, but my thoughts were it looks like Forrest Gump’s house on the outside, and all the rooms are as confusing as the Russian library in “Goldeneye: 007” for N64).
The kids already have a weird feeling about the house, and the swamp, when they get there. The two of them trying to scare each other constantly probably is not helping (although it nicely sets up the cliffhanger “Gotcha’s” from Stine pretty nicely). Strangely enough, the kids haven’t seen their grandparents since their parents were first married, which I could almost explain away as “they were busy,” but again, this is almost a decade later. I know my mom would be pissed if I didn’t visit her in that period of time. Hell, I have an uncle who lives in another country who visited my grandmother two or three time a year. Sorry, consider my disbelief not suspended.
Things become a little strange the next day. The kids wake up and are greeted by their grandmother who apparently is making enough pancakes for the entire Chinese Red Army. While it seems a little strange the kids don’t think much of it, until Gretchen notices her grandfather is being suspicious and taking them upstairs. Looking for things to do, Grandma tells them to go out for a stroll, but then return early to help her bake some pies (Grandad also is asking them to help build a shed or something, but by this point we pretty much have written him off as crazy, deaf and old). This leads to more pranks and foolery, but also helps build on the interesting sibling dynamic of these two.
They return to the house, and help Grandma make three pies (“That’s way too many” they paraphrased, “Oh, I just like to have more on hand than ANYBODY EVER NEEDS TO EAT, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE MOSTLY SUGAR,” Grandma replies) before adventuring the house. Of course, this is the point when Grandpa (Oh, you silly old bear; Daddy said we’re putting you in a home next year) tells them they can go anywhere in the house. Oh except that one room, because kids never go and do the one thing you told them not to. That’s proven. Tweens never go into places you specifically tell them not to.
Ok, I’m not going to bore you anymore -- the kids discover the secret room contains a swamp monster, that apparently broke into the house and two geriatrics were able to confine to a single room. They had been feeding it baked goods for weeks, and rather than tell their family, who were going to entrust them with their children, decided to keep it a secret so they could see their grandkids (see what happens when you don’t let Grandma and Grandpa see the kids after a decade -- they go crazy). The best part? This is all spelled out in a letter to the kids, which the grandparents leave for them just before escaping to “find a solution to their monster problem” (honestly, it’s no wonder their parents didn’t visit more often).
From this point on, the rest of the book is the kids being chased through the house, running away from the monster and being terrified it’s going to eat their dog and maybe them (this is the order of things). It’s actually a fairly gripping series of events, but what’s intersting is they also are the bulk of the book. Literally from chapter 16 through 30, the kids are running away from the monster, trying every which way to kill it (having it fall from a broken staircase, poisoning it with one of the pies). Again, all of this helping to build on an already solid foundation for the youth’s characters and their relationship with one another.
In the end, they defeat the monster by sheer luck, as it tries to eat Gretchen, only to lick her and pass out after proclaiming that it’s allergic to humans (by the way, this book was published in 1996, way before “Signs,” so chalk this up as the second R.L. Stine idea stolen by M. Night Shyamalan). The kids, unharmed and mostly safe, finally manage to break out of the house and make their way to town, where hopefully they can call their parents and get out of the place. But here’s the kicker, and a fun twistier ending -- the grandparents left a second letter to the kids telling them the swamp was full of the monsters family, ready to attack the people who have been harboring the beast. Of course, this was contained in a second letter and not included with the first that they frantically read while running from the first monster. So the book ends with our heroes, probably being killed by swamp creatures (sure they couldn’t eat them, but they do seem to have nice claws for thrashin’).
Overall, “How to Kill a Monster” is the best of the Goosebumps I have read in a few stories. Whereas “It Came From Beneath the Sink” and “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” felt like they were dead ideas, this one took what was a stock story, and gave it a nice twist. And focusing on a single day event in running from this monster, it actually had some nice storytelling and character development. Sure, it’s no award winning piece of fiction, but surprisingly a book that was published after three sequels for “Monster Blood” and “Night of the Living Dummy” still showed some flair, and kept my interest enough to at least check out the next book.
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